Still Smiling...I think

This week just seems to have been a really crazy week. It seems as if the devil is running rampant and he is still at it. I will spare you the boring details of my week with the exception of a few things. Before I start I want to say that last weekend while my niece's were with us, I attempted to build a gingerbread house with them so they could decorate it. I apparently do not apply enough icing because the silly house just kept falling down. I finally just had to divide the candy up and give them the candy to eat and spread some icing on the gingerbread for them to eat lol. I think I need to buy another one and practice so next year they can decorate. So if you are on my facebook you know I've been having car problems. Little did I know two days after posting about my car that my car would end up leaving me and Maddy stranded. I know my car pretty well and realized right before I was fixing to get on the interstate something was really wrong. I did say a quick prayer at the red light and as soon as I could go, my car wouldn't go which told me do NOT get on the interstate. Out of all the places to pull in, I pulled into a funeral home...kinda funny since my car died. Anyways, my step dad checked out the transmission and oil and everything seemed ok so he drove it around the parking lot. It gave him no trouble and I kinda think he didn't fully believe what I was saying. So my mom drove his truck and he was going to drive my car. He chose to get on the interstate and the minute we hit the ramp he was pulled over. When he got to the truck he said something along the lines of I see what you're saying lol. I've had the car approximately seven years and this is the first time anything major has broken on it. It's never left me stranded and has held up really well. I highly recommend Honda's...especially if you have children. I decided to wait until today to have it towed so we could figure out where the best place to look at it would be. The good news is I don't think I will need a whole new transmission, but time will soon tell. It's currently sitting at a shop and I am waiting to hear back from them to see what they find out. So far I really like the person who is diagnosing it. To diagnose the problem he only charges $37.50 and he said if they work on it it will be $65 an hour. Did I need this to happen right here at Christmas time? Not really, but at the same time I have had the determination this year to not let the devil take away my joy. He has done a fine job at trying to break me but I know God is in control and I trust Him to lead me. I still have no clue whether or not I owe money to the IRS so that's on me and then this car expense is on me. Thank goodness I already had Maddy's Christmas before this happened. I spent the day riding around with my mom and boy did we have a busy day! I had planned on trying to finish up my Christmas shopping today so we worked that in with my mom's work and personal schedule. One place we went to was the mall and I was disappointed because the Christmas pj's I was going to get Maddy were gone and nobody had anything like what I was wanting. I found some at Dillard's but they weren't on sale and cost $26. There was no way I could justify paying $26 for pj's for a two year old. I settled on a gown I found at Belk that was on sale and I think it will look really cute on Maddy...or Maddy will make IT look really cute lol.

After figuring out her PJ situation we went over to the Christmas ornament booth. We found this booth for Maddy's first Christmas and they seem to have made a hit. Every year, even before Maddy, I always get some kind of special ornament. My special ornaments now are more for Maddy but they are so fun to buy. I got two this year, one for me and Maddy and then I got Manny his own. Manny is a big part of mine and Maddy's life/family and we love him to death. He is such a sweet and loving dog and I just am so thankful I rescued him 4 years ago. Here are the pics:

It is so hard for me to believe that Christmas is next week!!! I am not at all ready for this season to end. I've really enjoyed the Christmas season this year and want it to hang on a little longer lol. In the words of Santa, "Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas!"

Hero

I was listening to a shuffle of my Pandora stations and this song came on and it instantly burdened my heart. I have always loved this song and band for that matter, but it just struck a chord tonight. I think it hit me like it did because I have so much I want to say but can't say, but this is something I can say so I'm going to. This song touches on a few issues we have in the world today...bullying, suicide, pain, cutting. One part in particular has always stuck out to me because it is so true..."all of us just sat back and watched it happened..." Have you ever seen someone get bullied at school and you just stand there and do nothing about it? Have you said mean things to someone? Do you know someone who is depressed and you didn't take time to talk to them? Unfortunately I can answer yes to some of these. I have also been the victim of people knowing things and doing nothing about them. What does it take for people to start speaking up for the ones who can't for whatever reason, especially children? That question includes me because like other people I have not been that "hero" that I could have been. Our world has turned so cold- hearted and selfish that people aren't as willing to help other people. This song shows the more extreme circumstances, but it can even be about more simple things. What about that single parent who needs help with their car, or that widow who needs their lawn mowed, or that family who has become homeless because they lost their job, or that child who is being abused whether physically or emotionally. Are we just going to stand there and watch things happen? That two year old in China that got ran over twice is a prime example of what I'm talking about...the amount of people that just walked by as that child lay there covered in blood in the middle of the street. How could anyone do that? I think most people here in America would probably call 9-1-1 if they saw a child bleeding in the middle of the street, but would people here be willing to stand up and befriend a person when every one else is making fun of them? Is it really most people's philosophy that you made your bed now you have to lie in it? Just because someone messes up or makes a mistake, does that mean they don't deserve any help? Basically we need to be more like Jesus and reach out to people...especially those in need. We need to stop telling ourselves that it isn't our problem and start helping each other out. One area I plan to always try to help other people out on is single parenting. I will never forget the challenges a single parent faces. If I come in contact with a single parent I will def try my best to help him or her out. It is my prayer that Maddy will never be a single parent, but if she becomes one for whatever reason, I will have a better understanding of the help she may need as a single parent. I know the amount of pressure single parents feel where jobs are concerned because if we lose our job...who's gonna take care of our children? I know what it's like not to be able to finish school because I don't have enough help with Maddy and I learned the hard way that apparently sleep really is a necessity or you will become stuck in bed for a week at a time sick. Something most all mom's can understand is that pressure to be perfect because we always have people telling us what we should or shouldn't do with OUR child as if they can do a better job. Ok, so I kind of went off on a parenting rant...i really have so much to say in this area, but I will move on because this isn't about parenting in particular. It's just a reminder that people have feelings even if they don't act like it and we should try our best to reach out to people in need, myself included. I think superchick did a fantastic job with this song and I am very thankful for the reminder to love other people and carry their burdens for them instead of acting like it's not my problem...because it is.

Deck the Halls...

This past weekend was one super fun weekend for me and Maddy. Saturday we celebrated my youngest niece's seventh birthday at Chuck E Cheese. This was the first time I actually got tokens for Maddy to play things with and she was nonstop wanting to go here there and everywhere. I have known for some time now that Maddy is going to be a thrill rider, but she proved it again in case I forgot lol. There is this truck that does all the hydraulic stuff and is just super big. She rode it with her cousin Aria and poor Aria did not want anything to do with it and started crying to get off. Maddy was just sittin up there like it was no big deal and just loved it. I got a video of them but it's on my phone and I'm not sure about video from my phone to here just yet so I will look into that lol. After the party we ran home to drop stuff off and get ready for our north pole limited train ride. My nieces were so excited about this train ride and I must admit I was too. The train station was decorated so pretty, but we didn't have time to stop and get the pictures because we wanted to get in line early. We plan on trying to go back to get the pics. We stood line from 8:43 till around 9:40 p.m. Let me tell you...Maddy was just exhausted and it was freezing outside. Maddy didn't understand why the train wasn't coming and then once it got there, it took forever for us to get on. By the time we got on the train I think Maddy was already over it and the rest of us were just plum tired and cold. They started off reading The Night Before Christmas. Maddy was too busy having a meltdown to even notice the lady reading lol. After the story they served us with chocolate milk and a cookie. This was right up Maddy's alley. She was so happy to get her milk and cookie and chowed down. It was a really good cookie I might add. After our milk and cookie we ended up in the north pole. Santa got on the train and talked to every single boy and girl there...all 300 off them lol. Ok so there weren't 300 kids, but there were 300 people on the train. Do you know how long it takes santa to visit 300 people? We sat for a while, which didn't make Maddy too very happy but we were finally starting to leave. Santa gave us all a bell and all the way back to the station we sang Christmas carols. I really enjoyed that part and Maddy even sang some of the songs. Talk about an emotional moment for me lol. Here are a few pics from the party and the train:

We didn't get home until after midnight and it was just a long day. I actually had been up since 4 am that day because I had to finish up my time at work...I was not a very happy camper having to be up so early on a Saturday. When we got home we all climbed into bed. Sunday was also a very fun day. We started the day by taking the girls to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. All three girls really enjoyed getting to go out to eat for breakfast and getting whatever they wanted. Before I go on I just have to say that Maddy absolutely adores her cousins. It amazes me that they are so far apart in age, but the girls LOVE taking care of Maddy and helping me with her and Maddy wants them to help her. In fact whenever they are around she pretty much is like ok mom...you can leave now, I have my Sara and Abby. I love my nieces with everything I have and I am so tickled they all get along and love each other. I would love to have them around a lot more because they truly are a big help with Maddy.

After we ate we all looked around in the gift shop. I have banned myself from there because I spend way too much money. They have super cute gifts and clothes in the gift shop. Maddy loved this princess hat and had I had my money I would have bought it for her lol...that's why I leave my money at home. After breakfast we went home and decorated the tree...finally. I'm gonna post the pics, but they are basically the same shot, but they are memories I want to remember.

Maddy did so good decorating the tree. She was very careful with the ornaments and actually left them on the tree. I think it was because she had her cousins there to show her how it worked. I think every Christmas my nieces need to be a part of our Christmas tree decorating. I think they did a fantastic job! Sunday night we went to our church Christmas program. That is the first Christmas program I've been to since having Maddy. I thoroughly enjoyed it, but poor Maddy did not like being left in the nursery. I'm hoping next year she will be able to sit with me. I hope I can arrange more play dates with my nieces and Maddy and we can think of fun stuff to do instead of just sitting around the house.

My Test...

"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:34


This is going to be tough for me to write because I'm in the middle of going through it, instead of waiting until I see the outcome. Last night when I wrote about how we are constantly tested and how life is hard and how God has to grow us, I told myself to hold on because hard times were coming my way. Little did I know I would not just be pushed down...I was flat out just down without even knowing what hit me. I wanted to share this because I want people to know they are not alone in their sufferings no matter how big or how small. If I'm going to share how God can do this or that if you just lean on Him and trust, then I figure I better be living proof of that. If I were to tell you exactly what happened in my day to make it so horrible that I was physically sick, you wouldn't really understand. I'm not going to go through every single detail but I will say my day started off with me waking up oh about 3 hours late and the day just went down hill from there. I have cried off and on all day today and no matter how much I try to just say it's gonna be ok, I end up having a small outburst again. I have walked around almost feeling numb but not completely numb obviously or I wouldn't have cried. There are pros and cons to everything. The pro to all the crying is whenever I cry I tend to lose weight...even if I eat too much so I guess that will make up for this week since I haven't been able to work out like I had planned. The cons include making me real tired for the rest of the day and making my throat hurt. One thing I see in all of this is I don't just automatically panic and stress out. God has definitely been working on me that's for sure lol. I'm not exactly sure what will happen in one of my problems but I know that if I end up in the worst case scenario...God has a plan for me. I think I am still hoping God will show up at the eleventh hour and just fix it lol, but I kinda don't think that will be the case...if it does happen...it will be a true miracle. I know the devil is also trying to steal my joy and I simply will not let that happen. Sure I may be sad for a moment, but it's not going to ruin everything else in my life...like this spectacular (I hope) north pole train ride we are taking on Saturday. One thing I think I have figured out is that God doesn't want me moving out just yet. I had hopes of being able to move into mine and Maddy's first place after the first of the year sometime. Everytime I start just thinking about finding a place I get hit with bad news financially so I think I'll just sit and wait like God told me to a while back. It kinda all makes sense really when I look at what He is doing in my life and with my feeling like I just need to wait, be still. I will gladly wait because I know whatever I am waiting on or for will be amazing and I will be so happy I chose to listen. I pray that God will give me the strength to get through the next few days specifically and the wisdom to know how to handle everything. I hope He has a smile on His face because I am trusting in Him instead of worrying and stressing and taking it into my own hands. As they said in the movie Facing the Giants, "I will still love you Lord." The devil can just go somewhere else because I have Jesus on my side fighting for me!

P.S. I know this post has been all over the place and I don't feel like it has a real clear point. The point I was trying to make is that I am being put to the test as we speak. My life went from doing really well to making me feel like I just want to run and hide. After getting over the inital shock of the day I decided to cry out to Jesus and place everything in His hands. I don't know what, if anything, will happen but I wanted to share my emotions to let people see that life can be hard but we just gotta keep putting our faith in Him.

Tests

There is so much I just want to blurt out, but at the same time I feel as if I am supposed to keep quiet about it still. If you know anything about me you know I just want to tell all pretty much. I will say there is nothing new with my life. It's still the same ol same ol...it's what God is doing IN my life...or in me rather. I wish I had written down the exact date...I may have by blogging about the subject, but I definitely know God is fixing me up. I truly feel God is preparing me, but before I can finish this "mission" I have to pass some tests. I could be completely wrong with what I am feeling but I really don't think I am. I mean what woman is going to say she's wrong right? lol. Seriously though I'm 99% sure I'm not wrong and I must say I'm a little excited. The one difference in this mission is that I haven't let it consumed my thoughts. I have stayed focused on God, Maddy, and work and I am proud of myself for doing so. I do think this whole test phase will take some time but I'm ok with that. I have learned a little more about myself and about what I want and I just feel so peaceful about everything. In the past I didn't always listen to God's direction/leading but dad gum it I'm going to do my best from here on out. I have definitely developed a stronger relationship with the Lord over these past two years and I really like where I am compared to where I've been. Relationships are continually growing so I can't even think about what things might be like two years from now. Life is not easy at all. In order for us to grow we have to go through some hard times. We are always being tested for one thing or another. If I think about life and how it is I seriously get overwhelmed and think I just want off this ride. It's not something I can just get off of and as hard as it may be sometimes I'm so thankful that I can see where the Lord has taught me this or that. I'm absolutely exhausted so I suppose I will end here :)

House Updates

This weekend a huge milestone was accomplished in our house. We finally got hardwood floors. The carpet got ripped up Thursday as well as all the furniture.

Maddy just loves helping no matter what the job is. These pics are when the furniture is being put back in place after the living room walls got painted. This occurred sometime before Thanksgiving. For about a week...this is what our living room looked like while the office/playroom was being painted:

As you can see...Maddy did not mind a bit :) Once the walls were painted then the carpet got ripped up in preparation for hardwood floors.

We know we know...the carpet WAS 10 years old so needless to say it was good and worn in lol. On Saturday the workers showed up at the house around 9:30 ish to begin the long process of making our house become pretty again. 

This is the finished product...of the floor that is lol. The furniture has been put back in and some of Maddy's toys have come in as well. The next task is to get the kitchen wallpaper all the way off and then clean out the garage all before Christmas. We are having the entire family over for lunch this year for Christmas so there's a lot of work to do and not enough time to do it. I do love how our stockings look with the new floor and am so glad it got done before Christmas.

Here is what my bathroom looked like in the middle of the renovation:

I'm sad to say I don't have a finished product to show because I only took a picture of the new sink with my phone...I will def have to get in there and get a picture to share. We still have to add the finishing touches such as towel holders and toilet paper holder and that kind of thing. I am also going to be buying new accessories and it will become a pink/brown theme :) I have to order my shower curtain and find the other accessories still but that will wait till I can get caught up financially from Christmas.

All Kinds Of Random

As you know this week has been really hard on me due to the long weekend from Thanksgiving and my wanting to be a stay at home mom so bad I can't see straight. On top of my emotions, I struggled greatly to keep up with work. I now get to do the whole explain why your numbers are down thing on Monday (joy joy). Tuesday was a not so great day (to be honest I can't even remember why that was now lol) and I was just over it. My manager asked to speak with me, which luckily she already told us she would be speaking with each of us individually, or else I would have freaked out. Basically I got a promotion, but I will still be doing my same job. She started out telling me the new title and in my head I was thinking, ok what does that mean? I think she expected a reaction but I had no idea what she was even talking about lol. She went on to explain that it also meant a small bump in pay. When she told me my new salary I felt like crying because I'm pretty sure it's an answer to one of my prayers...I'll find out soon enough :) 


Not too long ago I mentioned I was being audited by the IRS. On November 21 I received a large packet from them again. My heart sank and I pretty much just dropped everything to open it. Staring back at me was a letter stating I owed them $4100 (don't remember the exact amount) because I failed to prove the tests they sent the first time. I'll be honest and say that as usual I wanted to cry but one of my first thoughts were, there goes Maddy's Christmas. I'm so very thankful that I was able to realize that the devil was just trying to steal my joy and I refused to let him do so. I couldn't say I felt 100% peaceful, but I was definitely unusually calm and did feel peace about it. Since then I have received another letter from them letting me know they received my information and to give them 30 days to review. I was confused because first they say I owe money now they say to wait to hear back. The CPA who has been handling this situation said to always go by the newest information and to just wait to hear back. IF they say I still owe money then I am going to give him power of attorney and he is going to go fight my case in person lol. Basically from what they say I owe it sounds as if they are saying I can't claim Maddy, when in fact I can. This is def something to pray about because there is no way I can pay that kind of money...installments or not! I can say I have learned a lesson from all of this...use this CPA and let him file my taxes lol. I've had problems ever since I started claiming Maddy. At the end of 2010 I received a letter from the IRS stating someone else claimed Maddy and to make sure I could really claim her. For 2010 taxes I tried filing like I have for years and it kept rejecting me saying someone else already claimed Maddy. I went ahead and filed by mail and here we are today...with a lovely audit. I really need to check out what is going on and make sure somebody isn't reaping benefits off my child or even worse, stolen her identity. 


Tomorrow the hardwood floors are being put in. It's going to take all day so me and Maddy are pretty much banned from the house lol. Not exactly sure everything we will be hanging out with my mom for some of the day to help her out with a work situation. I had thought about taking Maddy to the mall to do her santa pic but I can't find her dress we bought. I really wish she already knew about her car she is getting for Christmas because the weather is going to be decent and she could drive around the neighborhood. I'm sure I will end up in stores buying clothes and shoes for Maddy and come home completely broke lol.


We are officially on countdown to Christmas. I'm a little disappointed because I ordered a countdown to Christmas calendar from an online store and I have no idea when it is supposed to get here. It's an individual who sells stuff online...her clothes and headbands have been featured on teen mom 2 (Bailey Booper's Boutique). It's not at all her fault that I don't have it yet...I'm just disappointed that I didn't order it sooner. I must say I just love her items she sells and plan on buying some more as I can. 


Maddy has been going through some moods lately. Monday-Wednesday was horrible on the way home. She was just so frustrated that she was screaming as hard as she could and shaking and biting herself as hard as she could. Thursday she was in a great mood and didn't pitch a fit. Today was right back to the bad mood tantrum. I'm not sure if it was just getting re-acclimated to daycare after the long weekend or if there's something else going on. It's been a little rough though and I'm really hoping it goes away soon. 


This week we had a large amount of rainfall in the Chattanooga area. On my way to pick up Maddy I took a pic of water in the road. Just as a FYI I was stopped when I took this pic. 

We also had our first chance of snow. I'm the nerd who captured the radar with my phone to document on here. It's crazy that we are already talking snow...where has the time gone? We didn't get any accumulation at my house, but we did see it snow.

I have some pics of Maddy I haven't posted yet so I will end with a collage of Maddy pics :) I hope you all have a great weekend, even though I'm sure I will post pics of the new floors.

 Maddy's Christmas jammies :) I tend to buy a lot of Christmas jammies and have her wear them until she outgrows them. I'm going to try to tone it down this year. I just need to get her actual Christmas Eve jammies and then I'm done...I think.