My Test...

"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:34


This is going to be tough for me to write because I'm in the middle of going through it, instead of waiting until I see the outcome. Last night when I wrote about how we are constantly tested and how life is hard and how God has to grow us, I told myself to hold on because hard times were coming my way. Little did I know I would not just be pushed down...I was flat out just down without even knowing what hit me. I wanted to share this because I want people to know they are not alone in their sufferings no matter how big or how small. If I'm going to share how God can do this or that if you just lean on Him and trust, then I figure I better be living proof of that. If I were to tell you exactly what happened in my day to make it so horrible that I was physically sick, you wouldn't really understand. I'm not going to go through every single detail but I will say my day started off with me waking up oh about 3 hours late and the day just went down hill from there. I have cried off and on all day today and no matter how much I try to just say it's gonna be ok, I end up having a small outburst again. I have walked around almost feeling numb but not completely numb obviously or I wouldn't have cried. There are pros and cons to everything. The pro to all the crying is whenever I cry I tend to lose weight...even if I eat too much so I guess that will make up for this week since I haven't been able to work out like I had planned. The cons include making me real tired for the rest of the day and making my throat hurt. One thing I see in all of this is I don't just automatically panic and stress out. God has definitely been working on me that's for sure lol. I'm not exactly sure what will happen in one of my problems but I know that if I end up in the worst case scenario...God has a plan for me. I think I am still hoping God will show up at the eleventh hour and just fix it lol, but I kinda don't think that will be the case...if it does happen...it will be a true miracle. I know the devil is also trying to steal my joy and I simply will not let that happen. Sure I may be sad for a moment, but it's not going to ruin everything else in my life...like this spectacular (I hope) north pole train ride we are taking on Saturday. One thing I think I have figured out is that God doesn't want me moving out just yet. I had hopes of being able to move into mine and Maddy's first place after the first of the year sometime. Everytime I start just thinking about finding a place I get hit with bad news financially so I think I'll just sit and wait like God told me to a while back. It kinda all makes sense really when I look at what He is doing in my life and with my feeling like I just need to wait, be still. I will gladly wait because I know whatever I am waiting on or for will be amazing and I will be so happy I chose to listen. I pray that God will give me the strength to get through the next few days specifically and the wisdom to know how to handle everything. I hope He has a smile on His face because I am trusting in Him instead of worrying and stressing and taking it into my own hands. As they said in the movie Facing the Giants, "I will still love you Lord." The devil can just go somewhere else because I have Jesus on my side fighting for me!

P.S. I know this post has been all over the place and I don't feel like it has a real clear point. The point I was trying to make is that I am being put to the test as we speak. My life went from doing really well to making me feel like I just want to run and hide. After getting over the inital shock of the day I decided to cry out to Jesus and place everything in His hands. I don't know what, if anything, will happen but I wanted to share my emotions to let people see that life can be hard but we just gotta keep putting our faith in Him.