Broken

Yesterday I gave Manny a bath, which he absolutely detests. Instead of drying him off some in the tub like I normally do, I just let him go wild lol. This was my first mistake. I wasn't really thinking about how much water he could really "shake" off of him, but it was a huge puddle in my bathroom. I was wiping it up with a towel and somehow managed to slam my foot into the corner of my bathroom cabinet. It was definitely painful and I had to hold back a tear or two because Maddy was in there with me. She asked me what happened and I told her I had a boo boo. I went on about my day as usual. At some point I even put on my tennis shoes. I noticed as the day went on my foot or toe started hurting more and more. After I washed Maddy I went and sat on the couch and realized I may have actually broken my toe earlier. After putting Maddy to bed I was in some intense pain. My mom has broken her toe so of coarse I called her asking what I could do. Tylenol is about all there is for now. Today it hurts so bad. It's discolored and just blah. It's the kind of pain that can make you feel nauseous. I have to drive with cold air blasting and spearmint gum in my mouth. On my way to get Maddy from school this afternoon I felt so sick. I found a way I could drive without it killing me. Yes, I did manage to put on a shoe...I actually sleep in my shoe because it puts pressure where I need it, but I also know it probably is squeezing my toe all at the same time.  Please know that I was stopped when I took this picture and I would not have driven like this had it not been safe or had it altered my driving abilities :)

Luckily for me it's the toe next to my pinky toe, otherwise, I don't think I would be able to put a shoe on. I did take my shoe off today to shoe my mom and to try out her boot from when she broke her toe, but it just wasn't enough support. It's the strangest feeling...yes, it hurts pretty darn bad but when my shoe comes off it just feels like it has a mind of it's own and will twitch and just feels weird. I'm contemplating going to the doctor to get my own boot but I'm scared of the pain they may inflict lol.

As the day goes on I find myself not able to cope with the pain as well. I'm not able to keep my emotions under control. As I was taking Manny out for the night I found myself listing all the things in my head that I need to be doing and with a broke toe I can't really do because the more I'm up the more pain it causes, plus it has exhausted me having to walk the way I do. My thinking started to turn into complaining and before it got too far I heard God tell me that this time was to be used to spend with Him. When I heard Him I immediately realized that even though I'm in physical pain, I needed to thank Him.  I needed to thank Him for showing me a positive in a negative situation. I needed to thank Him for being here with me as He always is. Thank Him for giving me extra time to spend with Him. The things I need to do can wait or they just aren't THAT important. God knows how busy my life is. No, He didn't cause me to break my toe, but He did allow it  and I know He allowed it so I could put my focus where it needed to be. I wanted to journal this because I do feel like I am gearing up for a hard battle. I don't know what lies ahead of me but God does. 

I watched a movie tonight that just really inspired me and I think it was based on a true story. I found it on Netflix and it's called A Greater Yes. I highly recommend this movie. One line I took away from it goes as follows (or similarly) "When God says no maybe it's because there is a greater yes in the future."  I want to write this down and next time God tells me no remember that there is a greater yes somewhere down the line. Jeremiah 29:11 is my favorite verse in the bible...For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper...not harm you...no, I don't always do a great job of remembering that no matter what I go through God has a great plan for me, but when I'm able to stop and calm down this verse is just so comforting to me. I feel like I'm not making sense at all, but in my own head I am lol. This movie just hit on what I feel like I am really fixing to be tested on...always having faith no matter what our circumstances are.